Dancing with the Stars: A Conspiracy Theory

The finale of Dancing with the Stars aired on Tuesday night, with Kristi Yamaguchi and her partner Mark Ballas claming the top prize as season six champions. Although she clearly should have won with her technically superior routines and entertaining stage presence, it got me to thinking, didn’t she have an edge over her competition? Most figure skaters take ballet to improve flexibility and musicality for their performances, so assuming she did this as well, isn’t it a little bit unfair? I know that it’s not the same as ballroom dancing, and skating definitely entails different muscle usage, but still, it’s an edge.

Even if we ignore possible dancing in Ms. Yamaguchi’s background she is still unquestionably a superior athlete, and this fact is at the center of my two part Dancing with the Stars conspiracy theory: my theory is that ABC loads the casting roster with gifted athletes, to make sure the season has some ringers. The second part to my theory is that if the athletes can’t be found, find a former boy/girl band member. If I were one of the cast members who was a reality star, sports caster or an actor I would be pissed that I would be going against these people…who can beat a super bowl champion, a gold medalist, or a pop star that used to dance in front of thousands at sold out shows???

If we look at all of the Dancing with the Stars champions and
runners up there seems to be a trend in who stays around the longest and their athletic background or past experience with choreographed routines: season one Joey McIntyre (New Kids on the Block member) finished third; season two Jerry Rice (Super Bowl 49er) was second and Drew Lachey (98 Degrees member) won; season three Emmitt Smith (Super Bowl Cowboy) won; season four Laila Ali (pro boxer) was third, Joey Fatone (NSYNC member) was second and Apolo Anton Ohno (Olympic speed skater) won; season five Melanie Brown (Spice Girl) was second and Helio Castroneves (Indy 500 Champion) won – although athletic ability could be questioned here, but I guess Indy racing is a sporting event; and finally season six Jason Taylor (Dolphin and NFL Man of the Year) was second and Kristi Yamaguchi (Olympic figure skater) won. Anyone else see a trend?!

I will be the first to admit to a few glaring exceptions to my theory: Monica Selles , Evander Holyfield, Clyde Drexler, Willa Ford and Sabrina Bryan couldn’t make their natural abilities mesh with the necessities of ballroom dancing. Especially in the case of Holyfield and Selles, what a conundrum those two were! Who knew the two seemingly graceful athletes in their respective sports could be so uncoordinated? Maybe certain sports lend themselves better to dancing than others? But I do give them credit for trying. And one more exception in season one, Kelly Monaco, who had no previous dance experience and was neither an athlete nor former pop star, did take home the disco ball trophy, but the odds always seem to be against your average celebrity.

Does my theory mean I’ll stop watching because I have a good idea as to who will win… no, because I still like to watch the celebrities dance with their exceptionally gifted pros and there could always be a shakeup in future seasons. I can’t wait to see who will be in season seven’s cast: a soccer star, an Olympic swimmer, what about a pro skateboarder, or perhaps a Backstreet Boy? We’ll have to wait and see how the casting deck is stacked.